North Korea Invades U.S. With 4.5 Million Ground Troops, Washington Surrenders

PYONGYANG, Prk. – North Korea’s Central News Agency reported yesterday that the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea suffered very limited casualties last week when it launched a preemptive strike against its longtime aggressor and nemesis, the United States. On April 9th, Glorious Leader Kim Jong-un, who also serves as Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army, instructed top military officials from the People’s Ground Force, the People’s Navy, and the People’s Air Force to strike with precision at the heart of “the empire of devils” and to free the American people from the iron chains of capitalism.

The Glorious Leader warned his righteous forces to be weary of the American landscape, saying many cities were governed by “the law of the jungle” and were rampant with crime. However, just moments after the first wave of two million KPA soldiers breached the American imperialists’ feeble defenses and marched their way across the East Coast, American citizens were seen falling to their knees and sobbing uncontrollably at the sight of their North Korean liberators.

Using a wide array of highly advanced weaponry, the distinguished People’s Strategic Rocket Forces reduced Washington, D.C. to ashes in a matter of minutes, leaving the puppet nation’s leaders fleeing for the hills in terror. The few who remained, cowered like sheep in front of the KPA liberators all the while pleading for mercy. Many were granted a full pardon by our Fatherly Leader and are now serving respectable positions within the Worker’s Party of Korea.

This reporter was granted authorization, thanks to our Glorious Leader Kim Jong-un, to speak with two Americans who were voluntarily attending a reeducation seminar at FedEx Field in Maryland. John, a thirty-year-old commercial truck driver from Lorton, Virginia said life under communism is much better than he’d ever expected and he felt sick to his stomach for believing the “lies fed to us by these capitalist pigs.” He added, “The North Korean people are the kindest people I’ve ever met.”

Jennifer, a former middle school teacher from Silver Spring, Maryland, spoke briefly with this reporter while taking a short break from memorizing the countless accomplishments and achievements of Kim Il-sung. “Kim Jong-un’s generosity and love transcends time and space,” she proclaimed as tears of joy streamed down her cheeks.

The United States of America, a godless nation run by toothless wolves, was founded in 1776 by a group of Satanists. It has since brought death and despair to all it has touched, creating enemies on all corners of the earth. The world has collectively rejoiced and can rest easy knowing the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea single-handedly put an end to the imperialist regime’s reign. Congratulatory letters and floral baskets addressed to the Supreme Leader are flooding Pyongyang and show no signs of stopping.

R. Hobbus J.D.

Investigative Journalist

R. Hobbus J.D. is an internationally acclaimed independent investigative journalist specializing in international politics, health, business, science, conflict resolution, history, geography, mathematics, social issues, feminism, space travel, civil rights, human rights... more

2 Comments
  1. This website is known for these bullshit stories. Find a way to report them so these shitheads will stop doing this and hopefully commit suicide.

  2. Wtf is this article talking about? Is this sci fi or just a fairy tale? Nothing like this even happened
    Americans are armed to the teath and we would never bow to the DPRK. Fucking attempt to invade the USA and we will send you home in a body nag, every last one of you, send you back to Pyongyang which by that time the USA will have left Pyongyang with nothing but ash and flame.Dennis Rodman says “Fuck you Kim Jong Un, your wife looked pretty yummy in that porno she was in”
    Attempt a preemptive strike against the USA or any allie to NATO, we will shut down your country’s entire internet, destroy NK’s Electrical Grid (not that your country even has one based on the fact that the amount of unaccountable black outs consistently occuring all over North Korea, and that every single night your precious city Pyongyang is so dark that you would think not a soul lives there). America WILL indiscriminately render all of Northern Korea into modern day Hiroshima by use of over 415 Nuclear ICBM. By Air Sea and Earth, America WILL bring the pathetic, lieing, brainwashed hermit state to their knees, bringing liberation for North Koreas people, and set forth the reunification of South amd North Korea, for which all Koreans truely yearning for. GOD BLESS AMERICA – SEMPER FI

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