Mentally Ill Karate Expert Goes on Rampage in Gun-Free Zone, Hundreds Feared Dead

SEATTLE, Wa. – Search efforts are still underway after a mentally ill karate expert tore through a Seattle neighborhood Sunday afternoon leaving a wake of death and destruction in his path. Police say thirty-seven year-old Grand Master Randal Jenkins, a tenth degree black belt who suffers from depression, entered Big Mario’s Pizza on East Pike Street shortly after 11 a.m. Sunday and began performing karate moves as baffled patrons looked on.

“All of a sudden he just started grabbing people; chopping and punching them,” said Caylee Marshall, a single mother of two who survived the attack. Marshall, who suffered a broken collarbone, said she was able to survive by hiding underneath the body of another patron who’d been killed by a roundhouse kick.

Authorities say Jenkins fled the pizza shop fifteen minutes later and made his way up 10th Avenue where he burst through the door of The Elliott Bay Book Company. CCTV footage obtained by Real News Right Now shows Jenkins executing a back flip and vaulting over the bookstore’s counter before launching dozens of books at horrified shoppers.

Charles Fulton, a twenty-four year-old Seattle native, was killed instantly when he was struck in the back of the head by an Eleventh Edition Encyclopedia Britannica, Volume 17, as he attempted to run for cover.

The vicious attack, which lasted nearly three hours, occurred in a section of downtown Seattle that had recently been designated a ‘gun-free zone.’ Sergeant Nicholas Funkhouser of the Seattle Police Department, who in the past has criticized anti-gun legislation, said Seattle citizens were “powerless to stop” Jenkins as he “acted out some sick Tae Kwon Do fantasy.”

Mr. Jenkins’ public Facebook page lists the thirty-seven year-old as an unemployed former karate instructor who won a bronze medal for Tae Kwon Do in the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, England. Jenkins last updated his Facebook page on September 27th, with an ominous warning, “When Bruce Lee died he was reincarnated as me.” Jenkins’ interests on Facebook include Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris Quotes, Chuck Norris Memes, and I F***ing Love Chuck Norris.

As of Tuesday, Seattle police had issued a state-wide bulletin for Randall Jenkins who was last seen slipping through a sewer grate in an attempt to evade capture by authorities. Jenkins is wanted for the murder of some two hundred Seattle residents and is considered to be extremely dangerous.

R. Hobbus J.D.

Investigative Journalist

R. Hobbus J.D. is an internationally acclaimed independent investigative journalist specializing in international politics, health, business, science, conflict resolution, history, geography, mathematics, social issues, feminism, space travel, civil rights, human rights… more

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