CHIHUAHUA, Mx. – A new drug that purportedly cures cancer is set to debut in the United States as early as next week, the Sinaloa drug cartel announced Thursday. Speaking from an undisclosed location, Ismael Zambada Garcia, who co-leads the Sinaloa cartel with ‘El Chapo’ Guzman, said the international drug conglomerate has been working on a cancer cure since 2001. “We finally have it,” Garcia proclaimed.
The new drug, aptly named TR-901 and known by its street name ‘Teddy Roosevelt,’ has succeeded in eliminating cancer from humans in a series of preliminary tests conducted in a controlled environment by the Sinaloa cartel. TR-901 has a 60% mortality rate which is “significantly lower than previous prototypes,” according to Garcia. “But,” he added, “every subject who survived the trial was cured. That’s a 100% success rate in my book.”
Due in part to an estimated street value of $5,000 per gram, Garcia said local American street dealers will not have access to the drug. Instead, the Los Zetas organization which has entered into a “mutually beneficial arrangement” with the Sinaloa cartel, will act as the sole distributor of TR-901 in the United States.
The roll-out of TR-901 is part of a broader scheme by the Sinaloa cartel to broaden its operations beyond the manufacture and sale of recreational drugs. “We have initiated an aggressive expansion into the global pharmaceutical market,” Garcia said, adding that TR-901 would not be possible without the “dedication and commitment” shown by a team of Austrian pharmacists who were reportedly abducted at gunpoint in early 2005.
TR-901 is scheduled to appear in the continental United States as early as December 1st. Doctors affiliated with the Sinaloa cartel recommend a starting dosage of .25 grams which can be administered orally, nasally, or by injection. The drug is not yet approved by the FDA.