WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama, in an address to the nation today, announced that the United States will take a new stance regarding the Islamic State and U.S. foreign policy in Europe and the Middle East. “As we’ve seen time and time again, the use of conventional methods in combating the Islamic State have yielded little progress,” the president said.
Using unofficial back-channels, the Obama administration and the CIA have, in recent weeks, engaged in talks with ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. “I’m pleased to announce the United States has entered into a historic agreement with Islamic State that will prevent any future attacks within our country,” President Obama said.
“Beginning December 24th, in commemoration of the birth of Prophet Muhammad, our armed forces, acting on my command, will assist the Islamic State in spreading the Caliphate throughout the Middle East and western Europe,” President Obama said. “I’ve ordered Congress to reinstate the draft and have asked our European allies to embrace the Islamic Caliphate or face a massive American-led air and ground campaign.”
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said Congress had authorized the reinstatement of the draft in secret last week. “Effective December 1st, the Selective Service System will initiate a draft via online services to mobilize approximately eight million military-aged men and women from across the United States, thus creating the largest standing army on earth,” Senator McConnell told C-SPAN.
Pentagon spokesperson Admiral David C. Weathers announced during a press conference in Washington, that if selected, draftees will have seventy-two hours to report for duty at their nearest military facility. “If you attempt to dodge the draft,” Admiral Weathers warned, “you will be designated an enemy combatant and forfeit your rights as a citizen of this country and those entitled to you under the Geneva Conventions.”
On the domestic front, President Obama has authorized Congress to reallocate funds meant for the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) to the newly created Islamic Assimilation Agency (IAA) which will oversee the construction and operation of 1,305 state-of-the-art mosques throughout the United States. “We’ve elected to open a minimum of three per congressional district,” the president said.
In addition, the House Committee on Ways and Means, the federal government’s chief tax-writing committee, will institute a new 7% tax on goods and services beginning January 1, 2016. The ‘TFAT’, or Terror-Free America Tax, will “give Americans the safety and security they deserve” by providing economic aid and military support to the Islamic Caliphate.
The new changes in U.S. foreign policy come amid increasing attacks by the Islamic State in Europe, Asia, and North Africa. “This is a defining moment for the United States,” said DNC Communications aide Andrew Schilling. In a rare moment of bipartisanship, RNC chairman Reince Priebus told Fox News, “The president has finally decided to take the necessary steps to ensure our country’s safety for generations to come.”