Obama to Officially Recognize Scottistan at UN General Assembly

DES MOINES, Ia. – Twenty-six year-old Scott Harrison of Urbandale, Iowa, is about to become the youngest acting member of the United Nations Security Council. Harrison, a Grand View College sophomore and aspiring quarterback, surprised the world last week when he announced he has a W-88 thermonuclear warhead.

The four hundred and seventy-five kiloton warhead, which weighs just over eight hundred pounds, is situated in the living room of Harrison’s two-bedroom apartment in Urbandale, according to an International Atomic Energy Agency official who had access to the complex. Mr. Harrison told Fox 17 Des Moines that he found the thermonuclear warhead underneath an overpass. “It was just sitting there,” he said before declining to disclose the location of the overpass.

Scott Harrison and his twenty-three year-old roommate Chad Manning, a Drake University marketing major, declared via Skype last week that the three hundred unit apartment complex where the pair have been living since early March, is a sovereign nation. At the request of the White House, Harrison permitted a team of inspectors from the IAEA to enter the country and perform of supervised inspection of the warhead. “They were nice guys,” Harrison told Fox 17 Des Moines during an exclusive interview Friday afternoon.

George Barnes, a forty-one year-old high school civics teacher who lives two floors above Harrison and Manning, told Fox 17 Des Moines he’s excited about “bearing witness” to the birth of a new nation. “It’s incredible stuff,” he said, adding, “It’s 1776 all over again.” Barnes, a vocal critic of the NSA’s mass surveillance program, said he believes “Scott and Chad will do right by the people of Scottistan.”

Harrison and Manning appeared again via Skype Monday morning just hours after IAEA inspectors had completed their assessment and returned to the United States. In the video, which streamed live online, Harrison and Manning appeared sitting comfortably on their living room couch. The W-88 warhead and at least five other residents of the apartment complex including Mr. Barnes, were visible in the background.

After a brief moment of silence, Mr. Harrison declared, “The people of Scottistan demand representation at the United Nations Security Council.” Continuing, Mr. Harrison announced that the nation of Scottistan has formally entered into a trade agreement with Russia. Moscow later confirmed that Russian president Vladimir Putin had “spoken with Scott and Chad via Skype and had dispatched an envoy to the infant nation with the intention of establishing an embassy” in the housing complex’s leasing office.

In a phone interview with Fox 17 Des Moines, George Barnes said he’s requested an audience with the Scottistanian parliament to propose granting citizenship to American whistleblower and former NSA contractor Edward Snowden. “Ed, if you’re listening, we have a vacant apartment for you on the top floor,” said Barnes, who added the complex provides free Wi-Fi and trash pick up to its tenants.

President Barack Obama is scheduled to address the United Nations General Assembly next Tuesday to officially announce U.S. recognition of the sovereign nation of Scottistan.

R. Hobbus J.D.

Investigative Journalist

R. Hobbus J.D. is an internationally acclaimed independent investigative journalist specializing in international politics, health, business, science, conflict resolution, history, geography, mathematics, social issues, feminism, space travel, civil rights, human rights… more

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!