OTTAWA, On. – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is reportedly considering a possible run for the White House in 2016, Canada’s leading news agency, CBC News, reported Friday. The forty-three year-old Ottawa native, who was elected into office in November of this year, has been called the “Alex Trebek of politics” for his soft-spoken mannerisms and intellect, often considered rare traits in the political realm.
Bordering the northern half of the continental United States, Canada is perhaps best known for its maple syrup. The popular pancake topping is Canada’s largest export and makes up for more than 70% of the country’s gross domestic product. Since taking office less than forty days ago, Mr. Trudeau has more than tripled Canada’s maple syrup production and, in the process, created more than seventy new jobs. “Prime Minister Trudeau has done more for Canada in one month than Wayne Gretzky did in his entire career,” boasted fellow Canadian William Shatner during a recent interview with The Toronto Star.
Prime Minister Trudeau made national headlines again this week when he traveled to Toronto’s Pearson International Airport to personally greet more than one hundred and sixty Syrians who had arrived seeking refuge from an increasingly dire humanitarian crisis in their war-torn nation. In Trudeau’s own words, the decision to accept an estimated 25,000 Syrian refugees was Canada’s way of “showing the world how to open our hearts.”
Despite Mr. Trudeau’s perceived good intentions, the move has left a sickly taste in the mouths of many Americans. “That sort of thing wouldn’t fly here in the United States,” said George Allen, a senior campaign strategist for Texas Senator Ted Cruz. “It’s contradictory to our values as a nation and quite frankly, it’s un-American.” Allen called Mr. Trudeau’s decision to accept “unvetted outsiders” questionable, adding that had it happened in the U.S., Mr. Trudeau would “almost certainly” face a congressional investigation.
Nonetheless, Justin Trudeau believes he has what it takes to run a real country. The Canadian prime minister told CBC News on Friday that he has just as much a right to the U.S. presidency as former Canadian citizen and current U.S. senator Ted Cruz. In fact, Mr. Trudeau said, “My record on immigration far outweighs his by a longshot.” According to Canada’s bureau of statistics, otherwise known as StatCan, approximately 91% of the Canadian population lives within one hundred yards of the U.S. border. “And yet we’re able to remain quite comfortably on our side,” Trudeau said.
American voters may take solace in knowing that in 2014, Canada’s Border Service Agency reported less than twenty illegal border crossings along its 1,538 mile long border with the United States. “The majority were accidental,” said Canada’s Minister of Public Safety, Ralph Goodale. “Usually it’s a hiker or a hunter who strayed a bit too far north,” Goodale told Real News Right Now, adding, “In 2013, we did have a Latino gentleman attempt to enter the country without the proper paperwork.” Minister Goodale said the man later found the documents in his vehicle’s glove compartment and was subsequently granted entry.