Wayne LaPierre to Prove ‘Guns Don’t Kill’ by Eating Firearm

FAIRFAX, Va. – In an effort to prove correct its well-known mantra that guns don’t kill people, the NRA’s executive vice president, Wayne LaPierre, will eat a Glock 19 semi-automatic pistol at an upcoming fundraiser this month, a spokesperson for the National Rifle Association announced Wednesday.

“Mr. LaPierre is undergoing a rigorous physical training program in anticipation of this event,” spokesperson Jackson Leadbetter said during a press conference at NRA headquarters. Leadbetter said Mr. LaPierre originally insisted on consuming an AR-15 assault rifle but due to “time constraints,” he settled for a smaller weapon.

Regardless of the size, Leadbetter said, “The point is to show that firearms are not responsible for causing death. Short of bludgeoning someone, I dare the liberal media to show me one instance in the last two hundred years where someone was killed by a firearm. It’s an inanimate object incapable of rational thought. It can’t drive a car. It can’t reproduce. How, then, can you say, with any shred of credibility, that it can take a life?”

The NRA is currently lobbying Congress to block legislation that would prevent suspected terrorists from legally purchasing firearms. “It doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, yellow, or purple. If you identify with the Republican party, the Democratic party, the Ku Klux Klan, the Muslim Brotherhood; it doesn’t matter. If you’re an American citizen, then by God, it’s your inalienable right to own a gun,” Leadbetter declared.

When asked by Real News Right Now as to whether the NRA thought the act of eating an actual firearm was practical, Mr. Leadbetter lambasted the media, saying, “Practicality isn’t a term liberals understand. Thankfully we don’t need to have Vice President Lapierre eat another human being to prove people kill people; that’s just common sense.”

R. Hobbus J.D.

Investigative Journalist

R. Hobbus J.D. is an internationally acclaimed independent investigative journalist specializing in international politics, health, business, science, conflict resolution, history, geography, mathematics, social issues, feminism, space travel, civil rights, human rights... more

1 Comment
  1. Wayne this is a hard fact the TTP the trade deal what the UK UN wants is for the deal to be lock is disarm the USA and the big one is a depopulation i have seen the true scrip on this i had it save and put it on a disk but it is lost here at home i save it over a tear ago when it started in the UK i am NRA MEM. and i would not be telling you this

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