Hair Club for Men President Sy Sperling Overthrown in ‘Hairless’ Coup

BOCA RATON, Fl. – Sy Sperling, the president and self-proclaimed client of the Hair Club for Men was deposed by a group of heavily armed hooligans believed to be affiliated with Rogaine, the number one dermatologist-recommended brand for hair regrowth, early Wednesday morning.

In a video shot from within a ransacked conference room inside the Hair Club for Men’s Boca Raton headquarters, several masked individuals brandishing AK-47 assault rifles and rocket-propelled grenades declare with vicious zeal that the Hair Club For Men has been absorbed by its competitor and rival Rogaine in an effort to consolidate power over the hair loss treatment industry.

“This marks the dawn of a new era,” proclaims one man, who authorities believe to be the groups ringleader. The man, who has not yet been identified, has “an unusually thick head of hair for his age,” according to an FBI agent with knowledge of the investigation.

At one point, one of the ruffians drags the dethroned Sperling in front of the camera and shoves him violently to the ground. The clearly disheveled Hair Club for Men president appears to beg for mercy as another lawless miscreant forcibly grabs him from behind while unsheathing from his belt what authorities believe is an Andis Ceramic BGR+ cordless hair clipper.

Sperling’s vain attempts to save himself come to a horrific end as two rather heavyset goons restrain him while the group’s ruthless leader uses the Andis Ceramic BGR+ to methodically shear Sperling’s full-bodied auburn hair from is scalp. Amid bursts of celebratory gunfire, the chief henchman, in an apparent show of victory, thrusts a handful of Sperling’s robust hair into the camera for all to see.

As of Wednesday, the fate of the Hair Club for Men remains uncertain but authorities say evidence gathered at the scene in downtown Boca Raton seems to suggest that Sy Sperling is no longer the company’s acting president or, for that matter, a client.

R. Hobbus J.D.

Investigative Journalist

R. Hobbus J.D. is an internationally acclaimed independent investigative journalist specializing in international politics, health, business, science, conflict resolution, history, geography, mathematics, social issues, feminism, space travel, civil rights, human rights... more

1 Comment
  1. OMG That was Phenomenal. But it’s like something that you would read on the onion website, is presented here in a a real legitimate news article with no indication whatsoever that it’s comedy.

    I mean the name of the website is real news right now. I don’t know but I don’t like things being ambiguous like that.

    I would have preferred to know going in that it was a comedy piece. I would have been better prepared for it psychologically. It was more like a bait-and-switch kind of thing, it was a bit confusing at first.

    And no I’m not a simpleton, I’m just a rabid comedy fan and I analyze it quite a bit and that’s my conclusion from this piece.

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