EL PASO, Tx. – The Mexican government, likely in response to Donald Trump’s pledge to build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, has reportedly begun construction of a fleet of ‘rapid fire’ catapults capable of propelling thousands of illegal immigrants into the United States a day, Texas governor Greg Abbott revealed during a press conference Tuesday.
“These people will stop at nothing to enter our country and steal our jobs,” declared Governor Abbott moments before unveiling several high-resolution photographs purportedly showing more than a dozen catapults in the early stages of construction. “These images that you see before you were taken by covert elements of the Texas State Guard operating deep behind enemy lines in the Chihuahua desert,” the governor explained.
The catapults, according to Gov. Abbott, are designed to launch a ‘parachute-clad immigrant’ nearly two thousand feet into the air – well over any wall the United States could feasibly build – while driving them more than three miles inside the U.S. before their eventual landing. “By the time these [people] touch down, they’re well inside the country and could very easily pass for naturalized or – in some cases – even American citizens,” warned Gov. Abbott, who called the catapult construction “an act of war” on part of the Mexican government.
The White House on Tuesday issued a brief statement calling Governor Abbott’s assertion that Mexico is constructing the catapults “a total fabrication” with White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest hinting that the Texas governor may be asked to undergo a psychological evaluation. Meanwhile, Governor Abbott vowed to take action despite what he called “a blatant refusal by Mr. Obama to protect the people of Texas.” The governor said he has authorized the Texas State Guard to carry out a series of “precision air strikes” on key targets inside Mexico.
“We’ll strike hard and we’ll strike fast,” Gov. Abbott promised, adding that he plans to dispatch a delegation to Mexico later this month to insist they pay for the ordnance used to destroy the catapults.