Creationist Museum to Hold National Lottery Offering 50 Spots Aboard Massive Ark

PETERSBURG, Ky. – Officials at a religious museum in northern Kentucky will host a nationwide lottery next month offering fifty spots on board a massive wooden ark which they say was built to preserve the last vestiges of humanity after God unleashes an end-all flood meant to cleanse the earth of sin.

“The final days are upon us,” Eli Smith,  a spokesperson for the Creation Museum, told The Lexington Herald-Leader. “The prophecy, as foretold by the Book of Revelations is unfolding before our very eyes.” Smith went on to explain the terms and conditions of the lottery, saying that only Caucasian couples who have entered into a Christian marriage and possess a valid photo ID are eligible for entry. “Women must be of child-bearing age and will need to pass a fertility test,” Smith added.

In order to be considered for entry into the lottery, Smith said each submission must include a 5×7 photograph of the applicant and their spouse along with a handwritten double spaced essay explaining why they believe they deserve a spot aboard the ark. Smith said application packets should be mailed to the PO box listed on the museum’s official website no later than December 20th.  “Photos must be paper-clipped to the first page of your essay,” stressed Smith before adding, “Stapled photographs will be disqualified.”

No official launch date has been set for the ark’s maiden voyage but Ken Ham, founder and CEO of Answers in Genesis, a Christian fundamentalist organization which owns and operates the Creation Museum, told The Houston Chronicle that “boarding will commence once the sea hath risen to the levels of the Lord’s intent.”

In addition to providing long-term living accommodations to twenty-five lucky Christian couples, Eli Smith told The Herald that the immense ship has the capacity to hold as many animals as God will allow. “The Lord has provided us with enough rations and provisions to last ten years,” Smith said, adding that the museum has acquisitioned a decommissioned AH-64 Apache helicopter as well as an AAV7 amphibious assault vehicle, both of which – along with an undisclosed number of small arms – have been safely secured aboard the ark.

Spanning more than five hundred feet in length, the seven-story ark, which opened as a tourist attraction in July in what museum officials have referred to as Phase One, was built to the same dimensions and specifications that God reportedly dictated to Noah more than two thousand years ago.

R. Hobbus J.D.

Investigative Journalist

R. Hobbus J.D. is an internationally acclaimed independent investigative journalist specializing in international politics, health, business, science, conflict resolution, history, geography, mathematics, social issues, feminism, space travel, civil rights, human rights... more

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