ANGOLA, La. – Inmates at the largest penitentiary in the United States are about to get a taste of what life in prison might be like one hundred years from now. Thanks to a Japanese robotics firm by the name of Evangelion Systems, the Angola maximum security penitentiary in eastern Louisiana will be the first prison on earth staffed entirely by robots.
Speaking at a press conference at the firm’s headquarters in Tokyo on Wednesday, Doctor Hanzo Hasashi, founder and CEO of Evangelion Systems, announced the historical signing of a century-long contract with the Louisiana Department of Public Safety and Corrections and unveiled his vision for the future of mass incarceration. “At its inception, the Angola penitentiary was designed under the theory that it could operate independently as a self-sufficient facility,” Dr. Hasashi said. “We intend to make that theory a reality.”
Hasashi’s vision for Angola will become a reality in just under a year when the Louisiana Department of Corrections hands over operational command of the prison to Evangelion Systems. “Once we’ve assumed control, we’ll begin the process of laying off the existing staff and bringing in the PCUs,” said Yuki Kobayashi, the lead coordinator for Evangelion Systems’ Angola Project. “PCUs are Prisoner Control Units,” Kobayashi explained, continuing, “What we’ve done is we’ve taken the L-85 Autonomous Infantry Weapon and reconfigured its battle parameters to allow it to respond to threats in a non-lethal manner.”
According to a logistics report provided to Real News Right Now by Evangelion Systems, the company intends to deploy sixty-five Prisoner Control Units; one for every one hundred inmates at Angola. “These machines are masters of efficiency,” boasted Doctor Hasashi. “A single unit has the ability to outperform humans on nearly every conceivable level.” The doctor pointed out that while prison officials are often susceptible to bribery and other forms of dishonest conduct, autonomous robots have no concept of right and wrong and are therefore impervious to corruption.
In all, Evangelion Systems plans to install no more than two hundred autonomous robotic systems at the Louisiana State Penitentiary in Angola. “The vast majority of these robots are programmed to perform maintenance tasks and other supplementary functions such as meal preparation and medical services,” explained Yuki Kobayashi. The transition is expected to take no more than two weeks to complete and could save Louisiana taxpayers an estimated $100 million in the first year alone.