FORT YATES, N.D. – A special envoy commissioned by North Dakota Governor John Stewart Dalrymple III met with the leadership council of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe on Tuesday to sign a historic peace treaty allowing for the continued and uninterrupted construction of the controversial Dakota Access Pipeline. “This is a fine day,” declared Department of the Army Special Envoy Captain Wyatt J. Dunlop. “Not just for the good people of North Dakota but for all Americans.”
Accompanied by a contingent of Humvees and heavily armored M1 Abrams battle tanks from the 1st Cavalry Division, Captain Dunlop arrived at the Standing Rock tribal headquarters in Fort Yates late Tuesday night. During an elaborate welcoming ceremony, the Army’s Special Envoy presented tribal leaders with a peace-offering in the form of six ornate oak chests filled to the brim with precious stones. “Trinkets of this type are of great significance to the natives,” Captain Dunlop told the Fargo-based Valley News Live, later adding that in turn, he was bestowed with a “rudimentary” coat made from the skin of a buffalo.
In addition to Dunlop’s peace-offering, soldiers from the 1st Cavalry Division made an attempt to assimilate the indigenous population with modern technology by distributing nearly one thousand iPads to the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. “As Americans, I believe we have an obligation to assist in the advancement of primitive civilizations no matter how small the contribution,” explained Specialist Geoffrey Davis. “Who knows?” mused the twenty-four year-old solider as he looked on from the turret of his Humvee while a pair of natives tossed an iPad back and forth. “Perhaps in two or three hundred years they’ll have the means to live as we do.”
Governor Dalrymple expressed satisfaction over the Standing Rock leadership’s decision to immediately halt their longstanding protests over the much-needed Dakota Access Pipeline. “We’re very happy the tribe’s elders had the good sense to accept our gratuity,” Dalrymple told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, adding that the alternative would have been costly for both parties. “There was a legitimate fear that we might have another Wounded Knee on our hands,” the governor later said.
As of Wednesday, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers was on hand to assist in efforts to remove demonstrators from the main encampment after Governor Dalrymple issued an unrelated evacuation order citing “increasingly harsh weather conditions that have the potential to endanger human life.” Army personnel will begin distributing wool blankets, handkerchiefs, and linen to those who refuse to obey the order after the December 5 deadline.