WASHINGTON, D.C. – Billions of jubilant Americans poured into the streets in celebration moments after President Donald J. Trump used the most comprehensive tax overhaul in U.S. history to slyly outsmart the fake news media and repeal the draconian Obama-era Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced on Thursday.
“Thanks in no small part to President Trump, the American people are filled with a sense of triumph and pride the likes of which the world has never seen,” shouted Sanders as Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) and House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) uncorked bottles of Dom Peringon Brut White Gold and gleefully showered the charismatic press secretary and nearby members of the White House Press corps with the $10,000 French champagne.
Meanwhile, on the streets of the nation’s capital, Americans from all walks of life turned out in record numbers to join hands and sing patriotic songs such as “God Bless America” as they marched toward the White House to pay their respects to Mr. Trump. “No one has worked harder to make our country great again than President Trump and his billionaire friends,” said Robert Weisman of Bethesda, Maryland. Weisman, who suffers from pancreatic cancer, said the prospect of losing his health coverage and dying at a young age is “a small price to pay” for ensuring that America’s wealthiest citizens continue to enjoy the vast luxuries afforded to them.
Outside Trump Tower in Midtown Manhattan Thursday morning, millions of New Yorkers lined the streets to commemorate the end of the Affordable Care Act. Implemented in 2010 by the tyrannical former Muslim president Barack Hussein Obama, who many believe was not born in the United States, the Affordable Care Act forced employers to purchase health insurance for their employees. “I had to make a lot of cutbacks,” recalled Eldon Tyrell. Founder and CEO of the tech conglomerate Tyrell Corp, the sixty-five year-old tearfully recounted having no choice but to sell his fleet of luxury helicopters just to claw his way out of debt.
In the minutes and hours following the passing of the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act, the Republican Party’s most significant achievement since the Indian Removal Act of 1830, President Donald Trump’s approval rating skyrocketed to nearly 120% – the highest approval rating of any world leader, period.