COPENHAGEN, Dk. – Days after U.S. president Donald J. Trump abruptly cancelled a highly anticipated state visit to Denmark over a failed bid to purchase Greenland, Danish prime minister Mette Frederikson offered a compromise, saying the European nation is willing to sell the United States a bridge in Brooklyn for $1 billion.
“It’s a very nice bridge, in fact, some might say it’s the best bridge,” Frederikson told BBC News, adding that the overpass, often referred to as the ‘Brooklyn Bridge,’ would be a fine addition to President Trump’s home state of New York. “One of the most fascinating aspects of this particular bridge,” Prime Minister Frederikson explained, “is that a person is able to traverse the East River without the need of a boat or a fashionable pair of swim trunks.”
Denmark had initially intended to sell the bridge at an upcoming European Union auction with a starting bid of 4.5 billion Euros, but following the tragic news of President Trump’s cancelled visit, hundreds of thousands of devastated Danes took to the streets of Copenhagen in a show of solidarity with the American people. “We know how much this visit meant to the Americans,” Emil Pedersen, a twenty-nine year-old web developer from Aarhus, told Sky News. “Just knowing that Mr. Trump is out of the country –if only for a few days– must feel like an enormous weight has been lifted from the backs of every man, woman, and child in America.”
Despite the results of the 2013 World Happiness Report, which ranked Danes as the happiest people on earth, many in the Scandinavian country were brought to their knees in overwhelming anguish this week upon learning that President Trump would not grace the pristine streets of Copenhagen with his world-renowned compassion and goodwill towards mankind. “There was a strong feeling that something had to be done to remedy this – and quickly,” former Danish parliament member Rasmus Jarlov told BBC News.
Following an emergency session of Parliament on Thursday, Danish officials, in an effort to smooth things over with their staunch American allies, voted unanimously in favor of giving President Donald J. Trump the option to purchase the Brooklyn Bridge for $1 billion, a fraction of its starting bid at next year’s EU auction. “It would take a feeble-minded imbecile to look at this and not see the irrefutable benefits of this once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity,” Prime Minster Frederikson said, continuing, “This bridge is, to put it frankly, an astounding architectural achievement and a testament to the ingenuity of the human race.”