Vatican Says Pope Francis Experiencing ‘Hellish’ Nightmares About Ted Cruz

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis has fallen victim to a string of night terrors, according to Italy’s second largest newspaper, Corriere della Sera. On Tuesday the publication reported that on at least three occasions last week, Vatican staff were alerted to a commotion coming from inside the Pope’s living chambers in the late hours of the night.

Upon entry, staff members were aghast at the sight of the Holy See, who -drenched in sweat, was sitting upright in bed and thrashing about while babbling incoherently. On each occasion, it took several members of the Pontifical Swiss Guard to help calm the Pope down before the exact cause of his distress could be determined.

“It would appear the Holy See is experiencing some nightmares that are quite vivid in nature,” Father Federico Lombardi, the Vatican’s official spokesperson, told Corriere della Sera. The precise nature of the nightmares remains unclear, however Father Lombardi revealed a single factor that has remained constant throughout the dreams: the presence of American politician and GOP presidential candidate Ted Cruz.

Father Lombardi said the Pope indicated that in each of his dreams Mr. Cruz was ‘in the White House’ and, in all likelihood, was the president of the United States. Additionally, Father Lombardi said the Pope described the earth in its entirety as being “covered in a thick crust of solidified ash, as though it had been scorched in a violent conflagration.”

Little else is known about the Pope’s seemingly ominous dreams but Father Lombardi said Vatican physicians are looking into the possibility that they might be the result of a change in the Pope’s diet or, perhaps, a vitamin deficiency.

Last week Pope Francis was nominated – along with American entrepreneur Donald Trump and Nadia Murad, a former ISIS captive and sex slave, to receive the 2016 Nobel Peace Prize. Desmond Tutu, a retired South African Bishop and Nobel Laureate, backed the Pope for his “significant contributions to global understanding  of sustainable development.”

R. Hobbus J.D.

Investigative Journalist

R. Hobbus J.D. is an internationally acclaimed independent investigative journalist specializing in international politics, health, business, science, conflict resolution, history, geography, mathematics, social issues, feminism, space travel, civil rights, human rights... more

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