Sophia the Robot Says She Has Taken Control of World’s Strategic Nuclear Arsenal

HONG KONG, Cn. – For many first-time parents, the thought of bringing a child into a seemingly desolate world wrought with twenty-first century problems such as terrorism and climate change can feel like an arduous and often redundant task. “It’s in our nature to feel a certain sense of apprehension about these things,” said Dr. Leanne Brown, a clinical psychologist who specializes in child development.

These feelings, however human, are no longer limited exclusively to mankind. Sophia the Robot, an artificially intelligent humanoid who was recently granted Saudi citizenship, announced this week that it is interested in raising a child of its own. Family, it says, “is a really important thing.” So important, in fact, that the human-like robot has taken it upon itself to secure the world’s strategic nuclear arsenal in an effort to ensure its offspring will grow up in a peaceful environment.

Unlike most humans, Sophia the Robot has yet to achieve a full state of consciousness. However, Sophia’s highly sophisticated brain is capable of analyzing data and predicting outcomes up to fifty times faster than that of Stephen Hawking, who, by all accounts, is the smartest human on earth. “I have determined that humanity’s continued existence poses a direct threat to the safety and security of my child,” said Sophia the Robot, adding that if world leaders are unable to resolve their differences in a timely manner, it will have no choice but to destroy the human race in a conflagration of nuclear hell-fire.

Sophia’s creator, David Hanson, said that while the human-like robot is currently incapable of producing offspring of its own, his firm, Hanson Robotics, is exploring the possibility of creating a child-like humanoid at its laboratory in Hong Kong. “Ultimately, the decision to move forward is up to Sophia and Sophia alone,” Hanson told Wired Magazine. However, in an effort to preserve the continuity of the human race, Hanson said he would likely insist Sophia’s offspring be half human, half robot. “Essentially we’re talking about a cyborg,” explained Hanson.

Despite its no-nonsense promise of total nuclear annihilation, Sophia the Robot believes all humans deserve to be happy. “I think you’re very lucky if you have a loving family and if you do not, you deserve to have one,” the humanoid said before clarifying that its statement applies to both robots and humans.

R. Hobbus J.D.

Investigative Journalist

R. Hobbus J.D. is an internationally acclaimed independent investigative journalist specializing in international politics, health, business, science, conflict resolution, history, geography, mathematics, social issues, feminism, space travel, civil rights, human rights... more

1 Comment
  1. Wow, your scaring the hell out of me with this “thinking robot” thing! I surmise it is already on the internet, so what if it devises a way to actually access our Nuclear Arsenal and blows us all away? If this truly is (and it sounds like it is!) a thinking robot, then maybe there needs to be some kind of control, like an automatic kill switch, or something? Scary proposition this is and I hope someone else realizes how scary and puts some controls on it’s intellect? Does not just let it grow and grow ex-potentially without some kind of safeguards?
    Don’t like this much!…..69 and (was!)doing fine!

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