KINGSLAND, Ga. – One person is dead after an eighteen-wheeler carrying more than eleven tons of thoughts and prayers bound for Parkland, Florida, struck a bridge abutment along Interstate 95 in southern Georgia and subsequently exploded in a massive fireball, sending up a plume of thick black smoke visible up to five hundred miles away.
While the cause of Thursday’s catastrophic single-vehicle accident is still under investigation, state officials are calling the loss of more than forty-one million individual thoughts and prayers a major setback for southeast Florida. “This is a tragedy of epic proportions. The good people of Parkland were in desperate need of those prayers,” spokesperson Chris Gillette of the Florida Division of Emergency Management told NBC 6 South Florida, adding, “I fear we cannot get by on volunteer efforts and government assistance alone.”
Despite being the product of good intentions, thoughts and prayers – which weigh less than air – are highly combustible and must be transported in secure temperature-controlled containers, usually under armed escort. “Thoughts and prayers have the potential to become extremely volatile,” Dr. Wendy Bradley, an associate professor of chemistry at Liberty University, told Real News Right Now. “Under the right conditions, they can generate the destructive power of a low-yield atomic bomb,” Dr. Bradley explained.
“In this case, we were given very little notice regarding the need for thoughts and prayers in southeast Florida,” said White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders in response to questions about why Thursday’s shipment was not given a military escort – particularly after claims from the White House that a “prominent portion” of the precious cargo consisted of thoughts and prayers from evangelical leaders, members of Congress, and even President Donald J. Trump himself.
The tragic loss of millions of thoughts and prayers comes as a major blow to southeast Florida after a lone gunman armed with an AR-15-style rifle opened fire at a high school in Broward County killing at least seventeen adults and children and leaving countless others wounded. Wednesday’s massacre is the eighteenth school shooting so far this year.