Acting Immigration Chief Slams Ancient Egypt for Allowing Jesus, Mary to Enter Illegally

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald J. Trump’s acting director of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services on Thursday blasted ancient Egypt and the now-defunct Roman Empire, saying Joseph, Mary, and the infant Jesus should never have been granted entry into the Roman province because they lacked proper documentation at the time.

“Absolutely, they should not have been allowed in,” acting director Ken Cuccinelli argued during a heated exchange with reporters. “Gaius Petronius should have enacted stricter immigration laws and, frankly, he should have done more to enforce existing laws,” Cuccinelli said, referring to the Roman Empire’s prefect in Egypt around 4 BCE. “Had he done so, I guarantee you the region would not be in the state it is today; we would have a peaceful and prosperous Middle East.”

According to biblical accounts, Joseph fled to Egypt with Mary and baby Jesus after an angel warned him that King Herod planned to kill his child. In fact, King Herod –the Roman Empire’s prefect of Judea– had ordered the execution of all male children under the age of two in what historians refer to as the Massacre of the Innocents. Drawing parallels to modern times, Mr. Cuccinelli charged that if Joseph and Mary weren’t happy with events in Judea, they should “find a way to change them rather than take the cowardly way out by abandoning their countrymen.”

Mr. Cuccinelli went on to question whether Joseph and Mary were fit to be parents in the first place, citing their decision to trek nearly a thousand miles through the desert on foot with a newborn baby. “It’s absolutely abhorrent to think of any parent putting their child –particularly the Son of God– through that kind of ordeal,” he said, adding, “The moral thing to do would have been to take the legal route to Egyptian citizenship and get in line like everyone else.”

According to historical documents on display at the Museum of Egyptian Antiquities in Cairo, Egyptians around 4 BCE were extremely displeased with the influx of refugees from Judea and elsewhere, whom they believed had come to steal pyramid building jobs from hardworking Egyptians, while at the same time exploiting the welfare of the Roman Empire.

R. Hobbus J.D.

Investigative Journalist

R. Hobbus J.D. is an internationally acclaimed independent investigative journalist specializing in international politics, health, business, science, conflict resolution, history, geography, mathematics, social issues, feminism, space travel, civil rights, human rights... more

1 Comment
  1. How did Cucchinelli fail to note that undesirables Joseph and Mary raised a political agitator instigating rebellion who ended up being executed as a traitor.

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