WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald J. Trump has ordered the Department of Justice to look into the legality of postponing or all-together cancelling the 2020 presidential election in the event he is unable to lose thirty pounds by November, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany announced on Tuesday.
“No one believes in the concept of free and fair elections more than President Trump,” McEnany told members of the White House press pool, continuing, “Having said that, the president –like all hardworking Americans– understands the importance of prioritizing personal health and establishing realistic weight-loss goals – particularly as it applies to his ability to better serve the American people.”
President Trump’s apparent decision to lose thirty pounds in the weeks and months leading up to the 2020 presidential election comes less than twenty-four hours after First Lady Melania Trump reportedly made an off-color comment regarding the president’s girth during a discussion with campaign officials which resulted in Mr. Trump abruptly storming out of the Oval Office.
“This is not the first time Melania has fat-shamed the president in front of his subordinates and it wont be the last,” a senior White House official told Real News Right Now. The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak to the press, said the First Lady is known to “rock from side to side while making heavy stomping sounds” under her breath whenever Mr. Trump enters a room.
President Trump, who enjoys upwards of twelve Diet Cokes a day, has made no secret of his eating habits since assuming office on January 20, 2017. “If I can, I’ll avoid breakfast. In terms of that, I will have lunch but my big thing is dinner,” he told Fox News in 2016, adding that a typical meal consists of four Quarter Pounders –or two Double-Quarter Pounders– with cheese, a mountain of french fries, and five or six cans of room temperature Diet Coke.