WASHINGTON, D.C. – Supporters of President Donald J. Trump found themselves in a state of utter uncertainty on Friday as they tried to make sense of an early-morning admission from the president’s official Twitter account that he and the First Lady have tested positive for the fictitious coronavirus.
“It’s simply not possible – this is obviously some sort of false flag operation perpetrated by the Democrats and the Deep State,” the president’s eldest son, Donald Trump, Jr., told Fox & Friends before going on to speculate that his father’s Twitter account may have been hacked. “Donald Trump has never been sick a day in his life; he’s physically incapable – even if he were, he’s too busy running the country and fulfilling his promises to the American people.”
The White House remained on lockdown Friday morning as administration officials scrambled to determine whether the man and woman now quarantined inside the Executive Residence were, in fact, the President and First Lady. “The question is whether or not we’re dealing with a body-double or some sort of advanced holographic technology,” White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows told CBS News, adding, “Right now, it is paramount that we ascertain the whereabouts of the real Donald Trump.”
Still, others wondered if the president’s so-called “positive test results” alluded to something far more sinister. “Why would President Trump claim to have something that is clearly a hoax cooked up by the Demo-rats and the fake news media?” mused Oregon’s Republican nominee for U.S. Senate and ardent QAnon supporter, Jo Rae Perkins. “If the president himself is a Deep State double agent then it begs the question, is everything we’ve been told a lie?”
With President Trump’s credibility as a champion against child sex-trafficking called into question, many in the Republican Party are wondering if Pizzagate may simply be a well-orchestrated smokescreen meant to distract the world from a much darker conspiracy. “It just makes you think, you know?” surmised Republican commentator and political activist Laura Loomer. “I mean first Epstein and now this? You just have to wonder how deep the conspiracy goes.”